Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Apple Valley Insanity

Can I just say... OMG, I haven't had a parenting/ daycare hag morning like this in... I don't know HOW long...

It started with oversleeping and waking up to the smell of dry urine on Dawson, who was in our bed since he wet his in the middle of the night.

I spent 30 minutes in and out of the shower frantically trying to be presentable for the heard of kids that would be arriving any moment... Dawson was cranky the entire time ( I always love when I can make such a great impression like that when parents arrive to entrust me with the quality care of their children for the day...). He was on a time out in his bedroom BEFORE Tyson even left for work... uh-oh.

I decided it would be a good idea to shake up the routine a little since some of the kids (ahem, MINE) seemed to be having such a hard time getting themselves together... so we went for an early morning walk to the park.

Some neighbors with a 6yr old son and a 3 yr old daughter happened to be there with their dog. Dawson really looks up to this big boy, who is always throwing the ball around with his Dad... but there seems to be drama EVERY TIME they interact. I'm SURE it COULDN'T be any of MY little angel's fault (dripping with sarcasm)...

So in a matter of moments, Dawson had this 6 year old in tears, holding his hand... claiming Dawson hit him. I'm ashamed to say, I saw none of this happen. The Dad had to fill me in. "Errrr... sorry about that. The priest didn't show for the usual morning exorcism..."

We came home shortly after and all the kids seemed to be picking up on Dawson's orneriness. So, no biggie... early lunch, early naps. I put all the kids at the table and make some peanut butter sandwiches... I'm feeding the baby in the high chair when one of the kids starts to gag, like they're choking... but oh, no. Choking would have been WAYYYY to easy. Its PUKE! (yeay!) My fave. Loooots of puke. Poor little thing (but also... feeling sorry for myself a little, not gonna lie...)

I strip her down, put her in some warm bath water. Everyone is now done eating lunch and wants down from the table. NOWWWW (screaming, plate throwing, hand clapping, fist banging...)! Wipe remaining 4 sets of hands... gosh that puddle of puke stinks... is all that smell REALLY the PUKE? Oh, no. Again... too easy. 2 of the little darlings busied themselves unloading the deepest, darkest, most untold secrets of their surprisingly large bowels (for such tiny little creatures!)... 2 EXPLODED poo diapers at the same time, and the puke is still on the floor, and the kid is still in the bath. Alright. Poo can wait. But oooooo, the smell.

I decided to clear the deck of some of the bodies to make space to think, so I sent Anabelle to nap. Usually I just plug her into her paci and she's asleep before her head hits the pillow. Today, she decided to sneak back into the hallway to play... and by play, I mean pee her panties in a clean streak stretching the length of a golf course.

This whole time, EVERYONE I KNOW is calling me. The house phone is ringing, the cell phone is ringing... the baby is crying because he is SOOO TIRED... all the voices that nobody else can hear were shouting different obscenities at the top of their lungs...

Lordy, Lordy.

I need a humanitarian award for not screaming a SINGLE 4 letter word at the top of my lungs the ENTIRE MORNING.

ALSO, I need a massage, and a handle of something strong and warm.

If anyone needs me in the meantime, I can be found under the bathroom sink in the fetal position. Just DON'T call my cell or house phone. And really, only come looking for me if you're dressed in a white coat, and planning to check me into an institution for some badly needed r and r...


Steph said...

oh Beth, I'm so sorry! um... can you lock them in the closet or something? haha jk... kinda. well, just a few more hours to go and you're home FREE. make Tyson make you dinner and open one of your bottles of wine tonight and check out the Kennedy hot tub for some relaxation. Good luck!

Beatrice Blount said...


nothing else to say.

come visit?

also, kids=insanity.