Wednesday, August 17, 2016

On Growth, and Apologies, and Other Lighthearted Topics

So its been a year or five since I've blogged.

Is it even still a thing? Maybe not. Ima do it anyway, it seems like good therapy...

The last line of my last entry was "Im off to watch my kids grow before my eyes."

They did, a little bit...

I read somewhere recently (if I were awesome Id insert a cool link for you to click on here) that its scientifically proven that kids grow more in the Spring and Summer months than Fall and Winter.

I'd normally call bullshit but youGUYS. I promise. I can SEE my son turning into teen wolf sometimes. Im NOTevenJOKINGyou. And the times I dont physically see it, I just walk into his room and take a whiff. The stench alone can almost put hair on MY chest. Axe body spray, dirty socks, angst, hope, dirt, and maybe a few springs from inside some empty mechanical pencils.


Not too long ago we had my husbands sweet, beautiful,recent college grad cousin over for a visit and she walked down the hall and I made some comment apologizing for the 'hampster cage' smell coming from Dawson's room... She loves the furrys! And lights right up... "OH, you got hamsters!...."   

Uh. Nope. Just preteenagers.

Anabelle is growing up too these days. "Miss Lee," as her Auntie Carly calls her, is still in elementary school, but im finding myself reminding her that shes only ten all the time. Shes always been an old soul. This may prove to be quite problematic thru the teen years. This toddler who slurped her paci, and basked in her mermaid tail... its unreal. Shes so... grown. With real feelings. Im suddenly... careful.

Today, I apologized.

It was hard.

I got up early. I was tired. I get up early a lot. So does Tyson. The kids are kids, they dont know that. We dont expect them to! But we feel it, and we are worn thin and tired. We are patient too many times with too many other things. The summer is long.

Im a pleaser. Its not my favorite thing about myself. In fact its one of my least favorite things. If I could get rid of a thing... I might pick that? Im always a little fascinated and envious of those with less inhibitions. Ill chalk it up to birth order. Oldest child problems. I digress.

Anyways. Today, I was babysitting two extra kids, and also expecting some special out of town company to drop by. I wanted to make sure the house was not in PERFECT spit shined order but at least picked up. So, I comissioned Anabelle for an hour or so and assigned her to a few tasks.

She was so helpful and willing, and eager to meet our company even! We chatted as we played with the kids and swept the floors.


She disappeared.

And emerged a few minutes wearing.... I dont know. A crazy outfit.

It involved a crooked sideways hat and some other things. But she was trying to look awesome. And I didn't know what to say! I totally panicked. And they were, like... about to be there! So... I just went...

"Uh... Seriously? No."

Like a high school mean girl. HORRIBLE. I was horrible. And I knew it! But I didnt know what else to say! And What the heck is wrong with me. I should have let it go!

And so.

That is exactly what I told her.

I realized it almost immediately.

Because it really was as awful as it sounded. I have NO idea what the heck the need to control the situation was. I guess I just felt overwhelmed and spent and tired... gah. But. Thats not the point. The point is, I recently told my kid there is NEVER a reason to make someone else feel small to make yourself look cool. And thats EXACTLY what I was doing. At least subconsciously. So.

I told her I was SO sorry for telling her she didnt look cool, and that if she loved that outfit and felt awesome in it, she was allowed to wear it. And I was tired and stressed. And that was rude.

And holy crap.

Five years is a big difference.

So, I guess I'll probably either have a glass of something or a box of kleenex or a bible or a crucifix or some other defense mechanism when I blog in this clear and present danger...

Hello, tween years.