Wednesday, May 28, 2008

OK, so we have a lot going on the next few days...

Chelsea (my best friend)'s brother and his wife and their 2 kids are staying with us for a few nights while they are in town for a wedding. I know... I love chaos, what can I say?! I'm actually REALLY looking forward to it. I have had a mad 'girl crush' on Tiffany (the wife) for a long time, I cant wait to start some fires with her. We are also bridesmaids together in Chelsea's wedding this winter, so it will be fun to dream and scheme there too.

I'm sure to have some good pics to follow...

Speaking of girl crushes... um.

I keep thinking about blogging this, and then chickening out. But then I remembered that I am a Mom, and I have no pride or dignity left of my own anymore so I might as well out with it.

So... I know Ive blogged about my crazy dreams before. Sometimes I know they are almost premonitions, but other times I just think they mean something subtle whether I know what it is or not.

I think what I'm about to say is the latter of the 2.

I keep having lesbian dreams about CAMERON DIAZ!!!

What the heck!?

I don't even think shes that hot!

Alright, fine. She's hot.

But c'mon...I mean... they're ALL beautiful, those Hollywood A-listers. I'm just saying if I were GOING to choose to go there... she wouldn't be my top pick. Weird. Anyways. Cameron Diaz?

The first dream I remember having was a long time ago, possibly before I had kids... Ive had another one after that and 2 more within the last couple months! They aren't necessarily dirty in their own context. Other than the fact that we are definitely a couple, living our lives together. Strange, strange, strange. And its always Cameron. I told my Mom its going to be really weird if I ever meet her in real life. Probably more for me than her...

I'm GUESSING that this is about something different than being a lesbian. I'm not ready to switch teams for reals anytime soon. Not yet, anyways... ;)

I think its possible that its about female companionship, maybe?

For as long as I can remember, my Mom's advice to any woe's or heartaches pertaining to men or marriage has been "next time around, marry a woman!" I repeat it at the end of any conversation involving things that most men can never understand. Like how we like our hair played with, and why its important to take off the wedding ring and put your heart and soul into that foot massage even tho the lotion might feel slimy and weird.

Women understand each other. Most women. Even if we don't relate to that particular interest or lifestyle or situation, we empathize.

I have always had good groups of girlfriends. In high school, there were 5 of us. I still talk to all of them. Not regularly, but we call each other for major life events and show up to offer support if ever possible.

In Missouri, I met Sylvia who was the fellow child bride across the hall in the apartment Tyson and I shared the first year of married life. I still think I owe the foundation of the first year of married life to her. I was 1500 miles from home, and rarely felt lonely because of her. She and Matt have been married almost exactly 1 year longer (she is one year older than me). Having them around made marital glitches and domestic hiccups feel normal instead of possible causes for psychological meltdown. We haven't been neighbors for more than 5 years now, but even across the miles I still borrow her advise on motherhood and family life and everything in between constantly.

In Santa Barbara, I worked with a group of fabulous women. They were the first people I met who were different than me but I could be comfortable with. We all had very different roots, politics, beliefs. I think our common thread was our ambition and work ethic at first... but as the days and weeks and months and eventually years went by, we really depended on each other in a lot of ways in and out of work. We have all moved on since then, only one remains at our home base. But we get together at least once a year, and I always feel like no time has passed at all.

When we moved back 'home' after Dawson was born... it didn't feel like home anymore. Almost nobody of the past (aside from our families) lived in the area anymore, and we had a baby which made us busy. We spent time with our families, and my Sister-in-law who is one of my favorite people ever lived with us for a year... but aside from her I was really friend-naked for the first time ever! It takes a lot of time to reconnect sometimes.

Then another baby.

Then a night job.

Now a daycare.

We've been back in the area for 3 years now... its been busy and taken awhile, but you know, I FINALLY feel like I found a group of girls to be part of again. Some of these girls are neighbors, some old friends that have since joined in motherhood and strung a common thread. Some are acquaintances dating back to high school that have just popped back up out of nowhere!

But suddenly... I feel RICH.

Rich in friendship and love and warmth.

Could this be the lesbian symbolism??

Guess that doesn't really explain the Cameron Diaz part but...

Oh well. Maybe some questions are better left unanswered.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

He's an Artist

...just like his Daddy.

This is the picture of his Anabelle from the other day:

Personally, I think it looks just like her.

And just yesterday, he made me this sail boat:

I see a Michelangelo in the making.

Which is great... as long as he remembers that inside Mommy's house is NOT the same thing as the ceiling of the Sistine chapel.


Dear Moonsand,

I hate you so much it physically hurts my insides.

To think I trusted you, with your brightly colored packaging, and your promises of hours of fun and entertainment for all ages.

I hope you suffocate in your own web of lies and deceit. I hope you bury yourself alive.

Whoever is responsible for dreaming you into existence from the pit of their wildest nightmares... deserves to have the same havoc that was bestowed upon my once semi-clean and orderly-ish home showered upon their dwelling place each and every day for all eternity. A pox upon their families and all who touch them.

I think the most horrifying and unspeakable part about you is the way you've lured my innocent children into your lair and offered them a hit of your poison that only sparked a torch in their tiny souls which will burn for all eternity, never to be satisfied again.

How dare you paint me the villain? YOU are the liar. YOU are the deceitful one.

Why couldn't you have stayed on the moon where you belong?

You're despicable, detestable, disgusting... and (besides the blues and greens that will continue to dwell in the deepest fibers of my white carpet for the rest of our natural lives)'re dead to me.

Sincerely Yours,

Beth McDermott

P.S. Should this letter compel any readers to comment... if phrases that resemble "Ha-ha," "Could have told you that," or "Doesn't every Mother already know this?" come to mind... might want to rethink before you hit the post button. Unless you want the next blog to have YOUR name in the title. ;)

Monday, May 19, 2008

Design on the Government's Dime

Its a dirty job, stimulating the economy... but SOMEONE has GOT to do it. AND... being the patriots that Tyson and I are... we have selflessly and single handedly taken it upon ourselves to turn this economic 'slump' around.

(That is to say we got our $1800 check in the mail. Yessss!)

I have wanted a new computer desk for our room for awhile now. Every desk I have come across in the past has been SO bulky and has too much storage that ends up collecting clutter and dust, like SO:

WHAT was I thinking, buying this desk?!? I am married to the definition of pack rat. AGHK!

Then, there is this little chair in the corner. I like having a place to sit in a room... but this overstuffed living room piece was WAY bulky and took up too much space.

So, basically the feng shui of the room was just... off. This desk stuck out at a weird angle, had too much clutter... the armoire is a keeper, but has too much dead space for... again... the clutter. And with the chair the size of the moon laughing at us in that corner of the universe it occupied, things were way over crowded.


We spent a Sunday morning at Pier1 Imports, and came home with a new bedroom!

Check out the new desk... how CLEAN! ...and a pretty close match to our existing bedroom furniture if I may say so. I was kind of stressed out about how I would find something to go with what we already had, or if I should even try, but wha-la!:

Oh, and did I mention the best part? CLEARANCE, $120! Score.

THEN, just as the kids were spent and we were about to run like the devil himself was chasing us, I noticed this cute little wicker rocking chair calling my name by the check out. $129... not on sale.. but, OK. Since people are loosing their homes and their jobs, It would have been COMPLETELY SELFISH to walk away without buying this chair that was clearly made exclusively to be my reading and blogging companion...simply because it wasn't on SALE.

The cushion was clearance, so that KIND of counts, right?

Next, we headed to Michael's to replace the old silk flowers in the sconces I had by our bed. We also scored the wicker side table that PERFECTLY matched the chair for half off ($20!... see, I told you the chair was destiny), and then I noticed these cute little stained glass pieces to hang over our bed, also 50% off ($15/each).

When we got home and started putting everything together and rearranging, I remembered Stephanie's helpful advice/idea of putting the computer tower INSIDE the armoire to hide the clutter and cords and such. Now THAT is a domestic goddess after my own heart.

Ty fashioned this little wooden booster seat thingy (that is the official technical term) to raise up the TV inside the furniture unit and make room for the tower underneath. It is also a way to utilize the dead space inside previously occupied by... clutter! Added bonus... you can see the TV better in bed. Win, win, win (bonus points for anyone who catches The Office reference here).

So thats our bedroom's face lift... total around $350... plenty left over to blow, er, I mean spend/save responsibly...

So I also wanted to get a few things for the daycare (and our kids).

We decided to hit Toys R Us, which Dawson couldn't have been more excited about. It was SO FUN. We came home with an easel for outside painting, a new play dough set, some moon sand... which I have every intention of blogging about separately... and (the big splurge) a new play kitchen for Anabelle's big girl room:

We had gotten the kid's a play kitchen for Christmas, but it was a cheapie and was so loved that it was broken almost immediately following Christmas day. Even though its been on its last leg for quite awhile now, the kids continue to play with it all the time. So it felt like a good investment.

Also, I loved the colors, and this kitchen was the second cheapest play set they had! I think it was $120's. Not a bad deal, and it even matches her big girl room.

Which brings me to... the bunk beds! My parent's had purchased a set awhile back but have since outgrown the need for them. They are still in pretty good shape, and though Anabelle won't be ready for a sleepover for quite some time, its great to have them passed on to us. Thanks, guys!

Lets just hope nobody breaks an arm or severs a spinal cord over the years to come, because... In the famous word's of Blues Traveler... its a loooooooooooooooooooong... way to fall.

So I guess that's about all, folks. I'm really happy with the (not so extreme) makeover(s). And to think of all the kid's in China who's jobs are spared thanks to our family's part in economic stimulus. HA!

I'm about to sign off (finally)... I've been working on getting this posted since SUNDAY NIGHT.

But I wanted to leave you with THIS:

Neener neener. I have a cute new bedroom, and you dont. HA!

(I guess the kids are rubbing of on me, sorry bout that).


Friday, May 16, 2008

Mmmmmmm, Breakfast.

So, Ive gotten pretty health-conscious recently as you probably know...

Ive lost about 50lbs total, and would like to loose maybe like 20 more. I've pretty much slowed down/stopped watching the weight fall off, but I just feel so good and healthy that I'm generally OK with that. Now its more about continuing a lifestyle that will help me... um... not be a beast again. Or at least not O-beast. HA!


That said... I still like to eat. A LOT. But I'm trying to make everything I eat... good. I'm not a picky eater... I like soy. I like bird food. I like organic. But I like the bad stuff, too.

The good news is, there are a lot of better alternatives now... like... have your cake and eat it too, so to speak. For instance. If I have a chocolate craving... I eat this:

(Not the 24 pack, tho... just one)

With some of this on top:

And maybe top it off with some fresh strawberries or blueberries or whatever.

Extremely satisfying... totally hits the spot. I would say it if it weren't true, I don't b.s. about dessert, people. Its a very VERY important part of the circle of life.


I know people probably aren't really interested about the daily details of all my diet tricks of late... but this morning I had an AMAZING breakfast, I thought I'd share the dirty details on.

(I know, I see you on the edge of your seat!)...

I mixed up some Bisquick... you can also make home made waffle batter, but I was feeding the masses, so in a hurry as usual. Then, I added a good half cup or so of wheat germ
and I used half soy milk and half regular milk that was called for. I know, that's kind of boring, but it added a couple extra nutritional elements. But then...

OH, and THEN... (This is where it gets good)...

I diced up some fresh strawberries (I will be sad when THOSE little beauties go out of season) and tossed them in a dash of Splenda, threw it on my soy germy waffle creation, topped the whole shebang with a hearty scoop of my Cool Whip cancer cream... and


This is one of my all time favorite guilty pleasure breakfasts. But I didn't feel as guilty this morning! I think I'm in love. TOTALLY kicks Kashi Go Lean in the shins and runs away laughing.

Go try it!

Thursday, May 15, 2008

I love Tiffany

For sending me this email forward:

In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University.

On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully.

He got down on one knee, inspected the elephant's foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away. Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter could not help wondering if this was the same elephant. Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing, and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.

Probably wasn't the same elephant.

This is for all of my friends who send me those heart-warming bullsh!t stories.

Oh, Tiffany. Thank you for that little gem of hysterical laughter.

And if this didnt make YOU die laughing...

You're dead to me.


Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Never A Bridesmaid, ALWAYS A Bride

I've been married for nearly 7 years now.

My best friend has been single... except for that one time... FOREVER.

But... oh, yes my friends... all that is finally about to change because...


I've known for about a week now that her life is approaching 'the beginning of the end...' ha... but just last night, it suddenly became REAL.

We've been friends since 4th grade. We've been alike before, back in the days of Christian pop music, ice cream socials, and high school sports teams... but in our more recent best friend history, we are WORLDS apart (sometimes quite literally!).

I got married the second we graduated...

her parents got divorced and she got edumicated while I went to child bride finishing school 101.

I sold insurance at a 8-5 desk job while she explored Europe.

I read 'What to Expect When Your Expecting" while she saved the world one impoverished village at a time.

But now?

Oh, now...

Our worlds just might be on a fast track to align once more.

Or at least kind of.

I lost hope for awhile... I thought for a time that perhaps her wildly independent spirit may very well make her a free bird for all eternity and she would be set to soar the seas and absorb culture and knowledge alone forever (Oh, TRAGEDY!).

Really at the end of the day I didn't and don't care, as long as I'm in her life and she is happy.

But... all sarcasm and daily domestic battles/bad habits aside...I am happy being married. To Tyson. Great Scott, Ive said it aloud. Don't tell him!

But I do want this for her... because it makes me happy... and I think its worth the best shot of anyone who is remotely interested and is fortunate enough to have someone they can call a companion.

I realize that being married and baking cookies and getting your household highs from recreational blogging isn't everybody's source of joy and fulfillment. And it isn't mine for the rest of my natural days either... I have some plans and dreams of my own still tucked away for 'some day.'

But, to this point... Its been good, and its made me happy.

And if anyone has earned the right to be happy... it is she. She who has persevered with grace and dignity in the face and the morning breath of the devil himself.

My best friend has met a man, fallen madly in love, and is getting married.


I can not wait to see her in white.

I love you, my little Sonshine!!



Sunday, May 11, 2008

2 Things.

First of all... IM BLONDE!!!!!!!!!! WHOOOO HOOO!

I cant wait to, like, start saying dumb things, and stuff, and totally, like, for sure.

Second... Happy Mother's Day, Moms!

A perfect excuse to party all.weekend.long...

On Saturday:

And on Sunday...

Thanks for making us who we are and for equipping us with the tools we need to impart what you've taught us to the next generation. We've got our work cut out for us, that's for sure!

And can I just say... don't our Mom's both look WAY amazing!? Me and Tyson... both have hot little moms! Hopefully that plays forward in the gene pool...


Monday, May 5, 2008

Awe, Shucks.

I wanted to give my super ambitious, totally hard working husband a shout out...

Look what he (without being asked) made me over the weekend... out of scraps at that!

The lattice was from last year's garden... sun faded and falling apart. He stained it to match the fence... and made the box to match the other 2 boxes on the front of the house he made last fall...

Thank you, sweetie peetie pumpkin pie! And you even cleaned up shop when you were finished... a man after my own heart.

So. I had to relocate for this year's garden project. Last year it was on the other side of the house... which is now occupied by terrible black beast (um... thats what she said?).

This year, I utilized the flower bed in the backyard for tomatoes, eggplant, and bell pepper. I kept the flowers too, but am expecting those to get choked out sooner than later. Why cant veggies be more pretty like flowers (and maybe also taste like chocolate...)??!!

Oh, and you cant really tell from this picture, but Ty also recently discovered the back fence was 3 feet inside our property line, so (at nearly the cost of our marriage) he moved it out, which actually ended up turning out quite nice (I can admit So, it created a little nook to the far right and half cut off in this laaame picture for a raspberry bush! Im so freaking thrilled about fruit this year...

Which brings me back to in front of said trellis project, where we also invested in these tasty-to-be fruit trees. The one in front is peach, middle plums... and nectarines in the back with the fence around it... yah. The deer munched the poor little gal down to her birthday suit the second night at her new home.

Last year we had pumpkin patch on the hill behind the house... which the deer also ate at the peak of the harvest... after I spent the whole blistering hot summer faithfully standing in the sun and being poked by the thistles to water and nurture the little dears. Murderous deer. I think the hunter in Bambi is SO misunderstood. In fact... I kind of wish he'd gotten a better shot and taken out the evil little foal and his freaky father while he was at it...

aaaaand... Im going to call my therapist now. But anyway... thanks Ty. You rock my world.

You MIGHT Be a Redneck If...

THIS is your car!:

Hahhaha... good times.